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A few years ago, I came across the concept of the mental load from the Emma cartoon that went viral. Like millions of women around the globe, this cartoon entitled “You Should’ve Asked” resonated with me. I realised I carried the large majority of the mental load in my partnership. At the time, it bothered me a bit, but it was manageable until…
We adopted a puppy, and we were responsible for another little being. It was me who booked him into puppy preschool, took him for his vaccinations, arranged neighbours to walk him if my husband and I were both working late. Guess what? Our collective mental load had increased and I had automatically taken it on.
And then we had a baby, and suddenly our mental load increased exponentially. It was me who read the books about baby settling techniques, ordered the breast pump online, found the second-hand baby furniture on gumtree, booked the medical appointments, bought new clothes, washed and sorted all the hand-me-downs, researched sensory activities to do with newborns, read more books, registered for the free swimming lessons…
And then I went back to work after maternity leave… and suddenly being the full-time household manager delegating things to my partner who was keen to be involved but always needed to be guided, prompted and reminded became unsustainable.
I was tired, exhausted and resentful. I nagged, got cranky, created lists, used the latest apps… but still I carried the mental load. I searched on-line, read articles, talked to friends. What had other people done? How had they managed? Everyone I talked to and every article I read explained what the mental load was, but no one provided a solution.
So I went back to the drawing board. I was looking for a strategy that I could apply to truly share the mental load with my husband. Eventually, I combined my expertise and experience in neurocognitive science, family therapy and organisational management and developed a 6-step strategy to true Mental Load Equality. To my astonishment (and great relief), it worked! Within 6 weeks! And kept working!
In 2019, I launched The Mental Load Project to share my step-by-step strategy with women and their families all over the world. By applying the same set of neurocognitive strategies and organisational management techniques other families in Australia and beyond have been able to achieve true, lasting MENTAL LOAD EQUALITY.
Neurohacks to change subconscious thoughts
Applying the Neurohacks to the Mental Load
The Ultimate Mental Load Analysis
Divide and Conquer
Setting up your systems to ensure sustainability
The happily ever after…
I don’t have time. I already have so much to do.
I understand! I have made this course for people like you (and me!) – only the essential information is taught plus all the material (videos, audios, PDF slides and cheat sheets) can be downloaded so you can access them wherever you are.
You want to know the exact amount of time? Each module contains between 1 and 3 videos lasting a total of 15-30 minutes. The majority of the “homework” you can do on the run!
See this as a very small time investment (30 mins per week) to give yourself much more time and energy for the rest of your life!
My partner just never thinks of things himself. I don’t think he can change.
This course will teach you to firstly change your thinking and behaviour to create space and opportunity to also change your partner’s thinking and behaviour. It is a myth than men cannot manage the mental load. Think about what your partner did before he met you… think about how he manages to organise things for work…
My partner and I aren’t talking anymore/are in the middle of a huge fight. Will this course help?
While balancing the mental load fairly in your relationship is one big key to a happy, loving partnership, if you are currently in this position I suggest seeking help to re-establish strong lines of communication first. Feel free to stillso you can be kept up-to-date with any future course openings or resources that might be helpful to you.
My partner and I are currently travelling or living apart – should I do the course?
I suggest that you will get the most out of this course embarking on this course at a time in your relationship when you are relatively settled and living in the same place. You don’t necessarily have to be in your “forever” place – you will learn new habits and techniques that you can then continue to apply forever, wherever you are!
We are about to get married/have a baby/other big life event. Can we still do the course?
This is a perfect opportunity to learn how to create sustainable partnership for the long-term. The skills, habits and techniques you and your partner learn in this course will stand you in excellent stead for your upcoming new shared adventure!
This limited time offer ends Friday 16th October
Oh my goodness - this sounds amazing but my mental load is already so huge I don't think I can possibly fit this in...
I hear you! I have created this course exactly for you in mind. The strategies are super easy to understand and action. Think “The Barefoot Investor” meets “Marie Kondo” but for the mental load. Each weekly module contains 1-2 actionable steps that you can do on the run without any more time.
Each module is made up of 1-3 audio/video lessons – I’ve made the videos short ~10 mins each (up to 30 mins total watch time per week) and I’ve also made a single downloadable audio file for each module too so you can listen on the go (it’s just like finding the time to listen to one podcast a week for 6 weeks). And the slides are available to download too if you want to keep them as a reference.
The only piece of homework that can’t be done on the run is the analysis in week 3 but the content in the homework is probably just stuff that’s already eating up your time – I will just show you a more efficient and effective way to deal with it. Plus with the downloadable template the whole thing probably takes 20-30 mins max and can be done at the end of a busy day in front of the TV (I promise – that’s how I did it!)
The only other big homework task that takes time is the conversation with your partner in week 4 (for my husband and I this took about 40 minutes). But this can actually be done as part of a nice dinner out so you can treat yourselves to a nice, date night (and know that from there on in the mental load will be shared!)
Sound manageable? And you get lifetime access so if you have an extremely busy week, you can give it a miss entirely and just come back to where you took off.
Why is this a course for women? Doesn't that just add to my mental load?
I have designed this course to teach you the exact steps that I followed to share the mental load with my husband. Because of that it is taught from the perspective of the person who is currently carrying the majority of the mental load. And whilst it will temporarily increase the load on you I have made the course as easy, quick and straight-forward as possible (see above).
You’re looking at about 20-30 minutes work per week but see this as a short term investment for long term gain. Think of all the time and energy you will regain if you were sharing the mental load!
Do I have to tell my partner?
Yes, eventually, but not necessarily straight away.
If you’d like, you can tell your partner from the outset and even watch the videos together.
Or, you can do what I did and spend the first 3 weeks changing your thinking habits to then create space and opportunity to change as a couple from week 4 onwards. Both approaches work equally well.
My partner will never change. Is there any point me signing up?
Yes! The course will teach you how to make changes in your own thinking and behaviour and how this will prompt changes in your partner’s thoughts and actions too.
I don't have children/my children are grown up. Is the material relevant for me?
Research shows that women at all stages of their relationship carry much more of the mental load than their partners. This course can be done at any stage of your relationship and create good and fair habits for ever after.
Is it worth the investment?
This is a personal decision. Ask yourself:
How much is happiness worth? How much do you value your relationship?
The true value in this course is that both you and your partner will feel more connected and fulfilled in your relationship because you will truly be working as a team, rather than a manager and their offsider.
The course provides practical step-by-step strategies which you can tailor to your individual situation and relationship. You will learn the foundations to achieve a supportive, fair, loving partnership.
In purely monetary terms, the course would cost 3 to 10 times LESS than marriage counselling. But really, how much is happiness, love and harmony worth? In my mind – priceless!
How long do I have access to the course?
You will receive lifetime access to all the course materials! All materials will be available to watch and download from Monday 19th October. Every Tuesday, for 6 weeks, we will host a facebook live event in the private facebook group where we discuss the lesson for the week and answer any questions from previous weeks. (Exact times for the fb lives will vary to try to accommodate different time zones but you will be emailed weekly with the times.)
I'm a stay-at-home mother but I still want to share the load more.
Women and men at any stage of their life or in any occupation can do the course. Couples will decide between themselves what a “fair share” of the mental load would be for them. For many couples this is 50:50. Some couples may choose a 40:60 or 70:30 split in the mental load given other commitments one or both partners may have. The course works equally well at dividing the mental load fairly regardless of the exact fraction.
I'm a man and I struggle with taking on my fair share of the mental load. Can I sign up?
Yes, of course! In this situation, the course will work best if you and your partner work through the material together from week 1.
Have another question that I haven’t answered. Please email me: email@example.com or DM me on instagram (www.instagram.com/mentalloadproject) and I’d be more than happy to answer!